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  • Waveform@lemmy.world
    3·
    3 months ago

    I should not have smoked weed yesterday. The the horrible truth of my situation came crashing down: it’s weird for me to live here in the trailer park, not working, living on the fricking porch and hanging out here all day.

    I’m stuck. My anxiety is high and I don’t want to go anywhere most of the time. I can hear people’s thoughts sometimes, or so it seems. I can’t drive, and the only other option is walking, or riding a bike which is in disrepair and in storage.

    There is no other place for me. Rent’s too high everywhere. I spent so long being a hermit and now I just don’t want to deal with this. I feel like an alien no matter where I am, but it’s even worse here.

    F landlords. They can upend your life at snap of their money-grubbing fingers and not give a sht whatsoever.

    • Zerlyna@lemmy.worldOPMEnglish
      3·
      3 months ago

      I can’t help with the weed. It didnt do anything for me. But I CAN relate to it with drinking. I regret it every time.

      • Waveform@lemmy.world
        3·
        3 months ago

        I thought it would be okay since I was doing relatively well. Classic rationalization :p At least I’m doing better now. Did some yard work and chatted with a neighbor a bit, which made me feel normal-ish. I just need to stay away from weed until a distant future time when I’m alone. Thankfully I still don’t want to drink.

        Thanks for replying~

  • Sea_Foam_Green@lemmy.world
    3·
    3 months ago

    Ehh, better than last week.

    Final appt coming up in two weeks with my therapist of 3ish years. Still nervous about potential waiting lists.

    Got soft diagnosed with BPD today. Explains a lot of my ups and downs on a short term basis.