A coupe of hand grenades for some extra kick!
salt.
Aloe.
Firehose
Firehose. For grease fires lol. Yes.
Absolute fun multipliers!
And a few buckets of ice
Make sure the turkey is fully frozen before you put it in.
And throw it in quickly! Wouldn’t want it to cook unevenly.
Also, since there will be a bit of oil splattering, make sure to quickly secure your lid with clamps. Hope you have a blast!
Any chance we can stop trying to murder the OP?
be sure to fill that baby alllll the way up before dropping the bird in from about counter-height.
Also make sure the bird is frozen totally solid before slamming it in
Edit: Goddamnit I should have read the other comments first lol. Sorry for the 1000th repeat!
We usually invite the whole family to watch the bird plopping ceremony.
“All right kids! Gather 'round! We’re gonna plop the turkey!!”
From helicopter height.
Oh, the humanity!
Get a pot of water ready for any flare ups!
Thanks, Obama…
Don’t forget that it always tastes better when the turkey is fried while frozen solid
So moist.
Such a setup would make me leave the premises faster than a bunch of MAGA-brain uncles could do.
Seasoning?
Monoammonium phosphate in a Class B shaker.
It’s a fire extinguisher, for those who might need to look it up (like I did)
Dynamite!
Depending upon ventilation, if they succeed in drying it enough and not having it overflow getting it in, they might not have to worry about getting it out.
Just go ahead and call the fire department now. It’ll save everyone time.
“Good afternoon. I would like to book 2 firetrucks and an ambulance for 3pm today. Yes, I can hold.”
I’m sorry but all of the county’s fire trucks and both ambulances have been booked. Would you like to go on the waiting list?
Make sure to have plenty of ice to cool down the oil
To shreds you say?
Well, how’s his wife holding up?
To shreds you say?
Was their apartment rent controlled?
Well, at least the children…
She’s good.
Can confirm she’s good
Medium rare even.
To smithereens
I wouldn’t worry about seasoning, it’s gonna get plenty of smoke.
I’ve heard they’re best when cooked from frozen
Carbon monoxide, my favorite seasoning
Propane is mostly gonna be releasing H2O vapor and CO2. But also some other shitty contaminants that the gas industry doesn’t like to talk about.
Now a charcoal barbecue on the other hand is my preferred way to cook a turkey, and would also kill the family if I was dumb enough to do it indoors.
I like how you’re taking precautions by making sure your floor doesn’t get damaged from the oil splatter. Great job!
