It would be really funny if in the last month of his presidency, he put together a “bit” with a local corner store owner, coordinated beforehand, where he “robs the store” using a wooden gun under full observation of the Secret Service - and then explains the skit to a press conference for everyone who doesn’t get it, and allows a 9-year-old kid with a police badge “arrest” him for committing a crime.

We’re coming into your program with breaking news. Today, President Biden decree’ed free ice cream nationally forever. Of course the industry is now in turmoil, scrambling to submit paperwork to the Department of Agriculture for reimbursement since there’s been a flood of people taking advantage of this. We go to Jessica who’s on the floor with a Republican Senator. Jessica?

Thank you Mary. Senator, what do you make of the Presidents action?

It’s appalling. He’s a Dictator now! This isn’t what our freedom loving country was founded upon. Later today I will introduce articles to impeach President Lactose for this disgusting abuse of power.

Sir, your own party’s candidate has openly said he’d abuse the power to jail his opponents, and you’ve openly supported him. Surely, giving out free ice cream isn’t more dictatorial or impeachable.

Ma’am, I dont like your lefty questions. Your one-sided commentary. This interview is over.

Mary, its clear this is a divisive topic in the halls of Congress. It also isn’t helping the mood among Congress that President Biden has been seen walking around with sunglasses on, eating ice cream, asking random Republicans “what’s got your goat, Jack?” Back to you.