cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/18339864
A judge in Texas sentenced a man to 40 years in prison for murdering his wife just months into their marriage.
Jared Dicus, 23, confessed to killing his wife, Anggy Diaz, 21, on Jan. 11, 2023, the same day that her mutilated body was discovered near the couple’s residence, according to the Waller County Sheriff’s Office (WCSO).
The newlyweds were living in a home on the property of Dicus’ parents, who alerted police after coming across their daughter-in-law’s body, according to the WCSO.
Sheriff Troy Guidry described the scene at a press conference a few days later, saying: “A portion of the body was dismembered, and the residence was covered in blood. Gruesome scene at best.”
If someone has shown that they’re willing to inflict physical harm upon you, then staying with them is you giving your tacit permission to continue. You have to leave before they end up killing you.
EDIT: guess all the domestic abusers are upset I’m telling their partner to leave them 🤷♂️
For victims of domestic violence it’s often not possible to just leave
There can be many challenges to it, but the other option is eventually being murdered by your partner. We, as a society, need to better fund social welfare programs that would allow someone in this kind of position to leave more easily.
I’m not putting the blame on the person staying, but I’m hoping that putting it so bluntly might reach some random person who really needs to absorb the message that it will only get worse, and then they kill you.
If your house is broken into and your TV is stolen, are you obligated to move in order to not be stolen from again?
If you die when someone steals your TV, and you’re living with someone who keeps almost stealing your TV… progressively stealing it more and more each time… then yes, you need to take action to ensure your TV isn’t stolen by this person you for some reason trust not to.
Yeah the analogy falls apart, my bad. I guess the point I was trying to make is better put another way.
Many women are subject to some sort of physical abuse. For some, they have a partner who gives them bruises or worse whenever they are angry. Other women may have been slapped open handed once over the course of a 10 year relationship. Both of these things are bad, obviously.
Some women have been thoroughly educated on what to do in an abusive relationship. Some women have been taught their husbands are superior to them in a relationship and must be submitted to. People are equipped differently to handle things based on their upbringing and life experience.
Implying that every woman regardless of their background or relationship situation is giving permission to their spouse to continue being violent if they don’t immediately leave is absolutely victim blaming. Like, you’re right that they should leave. No one who cares about these women would say they should stay. Despite people like you and me telling them to leave their unsafe households, they keep staying. They keep dying.
Think of the cops responding to reports of violence, then leaving with nothing to show for it. Would this make the husband more likely to keep acting violent? Would it cast doubt on the wife’s mind whether she was crazy? Maybe she routinely saw her mother struck by her father, and just accepted it. Maybe her husband apologized profusely and promised to never do it again, and again and again. Maybe she is financially dependent on her husband. Maybe dozens of other things, depending on which headline we are talking about.
Of course we both agree she should have left, but framing it as her giving permission for the violence to continue and escalate helps no one, especially not the victims. Police should take these reports more seriously. Abusers should not be given systematic reinforcment for their behavior. Families and friends should intervene when safety is compromised. This isn’t because victims are helpless and can’t do anything, but rather because they are often too close to the situation to be able to help themselves in time.
People need each other, let’s not try to isolate them when they are most vulnerable.
No, you’re right, we should only ever talk about how it’s nye impossible for the victim to separate herself from her abuser. Acknowledging that staying, or doing nothing, is a choice, only serves to stop the woman from leaving because…?
“Don’t even bother trying to leave ladies, best you can hope for is a quick death and hopefully they don’t lay into the kids next!”
Whenever we talk about domestic violence, let’s be sure to focus solely on how the victim can’t get away. I’m sure that’s super helpful to people currently experiencing abuse, hearing all the failing stories.
Nevermind in the other comment I made, I talked about the exact shit you mentioned. But hey, I didn’t put it all in one post, that’s my bad. Have a great day.
Internet person, I think you and I agree on almost everything. I’m not attacking you, but it feels like you’re getting really defensive.
Your comment here paraphrasing what I wrote grossly misrepresents what I was saying. I never said you were wrong. What I was replying to was at the time the first comment in the thread when I opened the post. The comment blamed any woman who is killed by their abusive partner as at least partially responsible for their death. While technically true, that is not a helpful place for our collective understanding of the issue to rest. My point was to redirect focus onto the root problems. I didn’t scour the comments to see if you completed your thought elsewhere.
“Don’t even bother trying to leave ladies” is obviously not what I was saying, and you know that.
Lol @ downvotes. So people think you’re wrong. The right approach if you get beaten and/or threatened is to do nothing 🤷♂️
Seriously. I guess they’re upset that I didn’t preface my statement with something about how it’s really difficult to leave. Like, it is. It can be really difficult to leave a bad situation when you don’t have support/help/family/money/shelter/a place to go/whatever…
but it doesn’t matter how difficult something is to do, if not doing it means losing your life… do it?
Quitting something you’re addicted to is also really really difficult. but If you don’t you’re going to lose everything. I have 5 years of sobriety under my belt, I know this to be true. Nobody could force me to quit, I had to decide to do it. Just like whoever is reading my comment, upset that I don’t understand the struggle… I do. Do it. Leave before he kills you.
And this comment below, zero downvotes
🙄 🙄