I said, âGood luck!â to our grandson before his soccer game, because thatâs what you say. Or itâs at least what I tend to say.
But then I thought about Formula 1 driver George Russell, and about how simple phrases, often repeated, can chart larger courses.
Take praise. Say you tended to receive this type of praise when you were a kid:
âWow, you figured that out so fast. You are so smart!â
âWow, you are amazing. You got an A without studying!â
Both sound great, but another message hides inside each statement:
âIf you donât figure things out quickly, you must not be very smart.â
âIf you do have to study, you must not be amazing.â
Over time, that type of praise can result in a fixed rather than growth mindset: You assume you are what we are, and that you canât change who you are. Youâre smart. Or not. Youâre skilled. Or not. Youâre athletic. Or not.
Now say you tended to received this type of praise:
âWow! I can tell you worked really hard.â
âWow! I know that wasnât easy, and Iâm proud of you for sticking with it.â
By praising results based on effort, you help foster a growth mindset, one where success or initial failure seems due more to time and application, not innate talent. Luck Matters
Which brings us back to âgood luck.â
A study published in Physics and Society found that luck plays an outsize role in exceptional success. In fact, as the researchers write, âalmost never do the most talented people reach the highest peaks of success, being overtaken by mediocre but sensibly luckier individuals.â
On the flip side, our culture tends to assign exceptional merit âto people who, at the end of the day, could simply have been luckier than others.â
So, yeah: Luck matters.
But you can only partly âcontrolâ luck. Sure, you can benefit from motion. From awareness. From being unique. But you canât hop out of the car and be lucky.
Nor did you play poorly, or lose a game, because you were unlucky. But Everything Else You Do Matters More
Plus, saying âgood luckâ often enough can change the recipientâs perspective on achieving goals. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that belief in luck is an adaptive cognitive process, one that could cause someone to see events more as outside of rather than within their control.
Which brings me back to George Russell. A couple years ago I ran into the Mercedes driver the morning of the Miami Grand Prix. As I started to walk away, I said, âGood luck.â
Even though he nodded, I could tell the phrase landed wrong. âI guess luck has nothing to do with it,â I said.
âExactly,â he said, with a much more emphatic nod. âItâs all about how hard you work.â Helpful Encouragement
What could I have said to our grandson before his game? âHave fun!â would have worked, because having fun should be the point of youth sports.
It also works with adults. As I walked onstage to do the keynote at the Arabian Business Awards, the stage manager said, âHave fun!â Fun? I thought. Iâm scared to death. Later, I realized he was right. If a sales rep has worked hard on a product demo, try saying, âYouâve put in a ton of work. Youâll be great. Have fun!â
Or what could you say to people when they are about to do something challenging, or when you assign an employee a difficult task? âI know you can pull this off, because you never give upâ signals the fact application, and growthânot natural talentâis the foundation of success.
Or you can take a counterintuitive approach and say, âThis will be really hard.â A study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that clearly describing the difficulties someone will face in achieving a goal can actually increase their level of self-controlâand help them persevere when they face setbacks or obstacles. When you expect to face obstacles, finding the resolve to work through those obstacles is often easier.
Whatever you say, leave luck out of it. Even though luck may eventually play a role, you canât control luck. But you can control how hard you work, and whether you stay the course. And whether you decideâbecause it is a decisionâto have a little fun along the way.
I donât like the underlying premise that you should tell another person how to behave at all. âHave a nice day!â âHave fun.â Anything along those lines. What is largely overlooked as an option in this post is that if you get in touch with your own joy / excitement / appreciation / etc. the experience brings you and are able to communicate that to the giver, that is generally very effective.
Iâve noticed a trend where people are saying âI appreciate you,â and while that can sound a bit trite depending on delivery, at least it indicates that for that moment, their thinking was focused on how your behavior positively contributed to their day.
So, I do my very best to be authentic and say things like, âIâm so happy to be part of this with you.â âI canât wait to watch you perform.â And even for F1 drivers, âI want you to know how much Iâve been looking forward to this, and how much I value what you do out there.â
âGood luckâ is a bit of a totem statement. Sure, itâs largely out of anyoneâs control, but another way it can be interpreted is âthere are a lot of variables in what youâre about to do, and I hope they all work in your favor.â You see this sentiment in numerous forms, âbon voyage,â âsafe travels,â âmay the winds be ever in your favorâ (we all say this all the time, right?). Itâs not meant to downplay what someone has put into their own efforts, but to acknowledge that ON TOP of that the world is an unpredictable place. It basically translates to, âIâm rooting for you!â
Personally, I would much rather hear âgood luck,â than âhave fun.â If youâve ever been told to âSmile!â when youâre not feeling it, thatâs how âHave fun!â can come across. So for a soccer game, I would say something like, âIâm super excited to watch you play! Iâll be cheering my head off for ya!â You are telling them that their hard work and effort is meaningful to you, regardless of the outcome. If youâre really into saying âhave fun,â at least âI hope you have fun out there,â turns it into less of a mandate and more just good wishes.
So, good luck with figuring out what to sayâŠ
Yeah knowing that other people get to have their agency is a good thing to keep front and center.
In my mind, when I say things like âhave a nice dayâ, Iâm not telling them to have a nice day. Itâs more of a short hand for âI hope you have a nice dayâ.
And that largely works when you know the receiver has been brought up with the same social context and background for the expression, but relying on that can leave the door cracked for misinterpretation. Probably not a huge risk, but over time nuances can make a difference.
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Thank you for your rebuttal, I find both stances to be interesting and quite useful ways to think about how I interact with others, sometimes with effects that arenât intended. I race online with people almost every day, and before every race I say things like âI hope you have a great race!â Or 'I hope you have a great time racing today." Iâll be sure to watch my phrasing but I think that generally Iâm happy with the message I am conveying.
To your point adding âI hopeâŠâ makes a huge difference! Iâm sure some would say thatâs implied in âHave a great race,â but human brains arenât always the best at picking up inferences, especially when stress is in the mix, so why not take a half second longer to make sure the underlying meaning is clear? (As you do!)
Linguistic psychology is some interesting stuff. Once you delve into it outside of English, that rabbit hole seems never endingâŠheck, even just sticking with English!
I hope your day is bright and your sleep is long and deep.
lol - and now we sound like a community for Irish toasts! SlĂĄinte!
This is my favorite toast, only appropriate when everyone is already drunk.
Hereâs to us! Whoâs like us? Damn Few AND THEYâRE ALL DEAD!