Start studying, it is never too late to UNLEARN or LEARN. Step one is realizing YOU are now in control to improve things.

You’re not broken, your different. So you don’t have many of the same experiences we take for granted. If you look at it in the right light it might be a blessing. You have the opportunity to have brand new experiences in a time when you can understand them better without the cloud of childhood. I think there are hundreds of things I would almost kill for, to experience for the first time again.

Before you might not have had a choice. Now you do! Choose to do the things you love. If you don’t know what that is, keep looking till you find it. Find the things that awaken your passion and follow that road where it leads. Branches in the road and the choices you’ll make will open more of the world to with each passing day.

We are all fucked! We all have baggage we needlessly carry. We all try to hide that from each other. Your baggage is just different than mine.

What ever you do in this world remember to be kind to yourself, the world can be rough and you at least need yourself on your team.

Big hug young one!

It helps knowing you’re not the only one, IMO. Look up people who have left high-control communities (would have been called cults in decades past). People can come out of some pretty horrific backgrounds and with hard work, intention, and support, live good lives.

For most people, through professional help. You aren’t SOL, and you could get there yourself, but it will be far easier with assistance from medical and psychological professionals that are trained to help guide you in ways that aren’t just you struggling on your own or beating yourself up internally.

I’ve skimmed your other posts and you need more than well meaning strangers on the internet will be able to give you. You may also want to look into potential legal action against the institution you say you were stuck in, as none of what you described sounds like standard practice of care for the autism misdiagnosis you said put you in there.

Life is just waiting around doing what you want to fill the time till you die. Fill yours with reintegration projects. Join some clubs, join a support group. Never stop searching for what you’re seeking.

It’s funny you wish to be a part of this clown show. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

I wish I could disconnect from everything and fly away from the planet. Fuck this dirty dirty planet.

its likely possible since you’re a human being and i image that it would take a lot of work given the manner in which you’ve shared this information.

there’s a song out there by sublime that speaks to me and has enabled me to seek out the help that i needed from professionals and maybe it can help you too in some way:

Daddy he once told me,

“Son, you be hard workin’ man”

And momma she once told me,

“Son, you do the best you can”

Then one day I meet a man,

He came to me and said,

"Hard work good and hard work fine,

but first take care of head"

they were referring to weed as a coping strategy in the song; which i also do; but i’ve used it also convince myself to seek out help because no one can take care of the shit that goes on their head if they don’t know what they’re doing.

Everything you go through makes you who you are. If your younger years were restricted, take in all you can now. Start by reading the things that were kept from you.

As someone who’s been in a similar position… you can’t. I was extremely isolated and ‘homeschooled’ throughout my formative years. It appears to me that the feeling of alienation from peers is something most homeschooled children feel, and it doesn’t seem to go away. Crushing depression and anxiety resulted in a type of self-isolation in my latter years, which my dysfunctional parents enabled to an irresponsible degree.

The knee-jerk response seems to be “seek therapy” or inane platitudes like “you can live life now!”. They feel invalidating and trivialize our issues. On one hand it’s understandable. Unless you’ve been through this sort of abuse it’s probably impossible to accurately imagine its effects. On the other hand it’s just really sad and frustrating.

We’re missing a critical foundation. I don’t know if that can be restored. Personally, I don’t think it can. I’ll tell you the things I thought might help, but I failed at: try to get an education and qualifications, as you’ll have to work and these result in better opportunities. Try and socialize as much as you can. It will be difficult, and it will likely remain difficult, but you’ll likely get better at masking with enough practice. Talk to therapists that specialize in CPTSD maybe. I don’t really know… I’m struggling in similar circumstances, and I really haven’t found anything that helps.

Others have given great practical advice, so I’ll give you something to think about.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics. They highlight the joint pieces with gold powder which makes the object even more beautiful and unique than it was originally in its unbroken state, embodying the philosophy of wabi-sabi, embracing the beauty in the imperfect.

Please take inspiration from kintsugi and find the beauty in your journey of repairing yourself.

Ok, I’m all in favor of some rather radical questions on here, but come on.

Let me make a really strange analogy here. Education and vocational schooling are actually effective tools when there is a problem with terrorists or militias robbing people, or cultlike groups and gangs organizing, moreso than just ramping up military or police security for communities and businesses and transports etc. You have to solve the source of the alienated disenfranchised young men who become these aggressors, there is no way to ever catch up to it.

What I am saying here is you shouldn’t focus on correcting yourself or beating yourself up, but finding education and assistance. If people who fought with ISIS or Boko Haram can be rehabilitated after a time, so can you!

What makes you think being on the same page as society is a good thing?

Depending on what you mean by “locked away for 20 years”, you may never be “on the same page” as society.

You can still live a meaningful life, and you can still be a part of society. But being “on the same page” might require you to focus on helping other victims of heinous crimes.

One who has been through the darkness can help by being a guide to others who are still in or recently emerged from that same darkness.

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