I think it depends on the vibe, for me. I’ve experienced it before where the “feeling better?” questions are sort of like “the last time I asked you if you wanted to do xyz thing, you weren’t able to because of your chronic illness/disability. Are you magically not disabled so that we can do the thing now?”. That’s a different kind of disheartening than the cure suggesters, but not better or worse, in my experience — just different.
It sucks when people who you thought were friends act like they’re inconvenienced by your illness. And don’t get me wrong, it definitely is an inconvenience if a friend is no longer able to hang out in the way you used to, but the primary “beneficiary” of this inconvenience is the one who is actually chronically unwell. I lost a couple friends when I became disabled, due to this. The people who are my friends have worked with me to find ways to adapt (such as running games night at my place when I can’t travel), which makes things easier in that I feel like it’s me + people I love vs. my illness. People who give the vibe of “ugh, you’re still ill” makes it feels like it’s them vs. (me + my illness).
I realise I haven’t meaningfully engaged with much of what you have written in your comment, but that’s largely because I don’t have much to add — you capture the frustration very well and unfortunately I can relate too hard to the silly nonsense cure suggestions.
the last time I asked you if you wanted to do xyz thing, you weren’t able to because of your chronic illness/disability. Are you magically not disabled so that we can do the thing now?
This is what people don’t seem to get. I feel more and more guilty with every conversation like this.
No, I don’t feel better, but I should, apparently. And that’s my fault somehow. I’m not making that up or unnecessarily putting things on myself – it’s hard to come to a different conclusion when people get progressively more disappointed the more they talk to you. When you feel like a medical depressant. I mean that literally.
Every time I’m asked this, I feel like I should feel better, and when i don’t, I’m letting them down by not being able to do the thing.
Eventually I just can’t take it anymore. I’m letting everyone down by not getting better, so not only do I feel awful physically, but also mentally because I’m disappointing everyone I know. And god forbid I meet new people who I have to explain this to again.
I don’t want to meet people anymore, because I have to go through the whole thing again, and re-explain how it’s not going to be fixed by a diet, and yes, I know all the cures and everything. It’s exhausting.
You capture the vibe extremely well — the way you’ve explained it here makes me realise that when people ask if I feel better (yet), it low-key feels quite victim-blamey? Not in their intention probably, but in how it feels to regularly receive those comments. It makes me feel broken on another level beyond the disability.
I think it depends on the vibe, for me. I’ve experienced it before where the “feeling better?” questions are sort of like “the last time I asked you if you wanted to do xyz thing, you weren’t able to because of your chronic illness/disability. Are you magically not disabled so that we can do the thing now?”. That’s a different kind of disheartening than the cure suggesters, but not better or worse, in my experience — just different.
It sucks when people who you thought were friends act like they’re inconvenienced by your illness. And don’t get me wrong, it definitely is an inconvenience if a friend is no longer able to hang out in the way you used to, but the primary “beneficiary” of this inconvenience is the one who is actually chronically unwell. I lost a couple friends when I became disabled, due to this. The people who are my friends have worked with me to find ways to adapt (such as running games night at my place when I can’t travel), which makes things easier in that I feel like it’s me + people I love vs. my illness. People who give the vibe of “ugh, you’re still ill” makes it feels like it’s them vs. (me + my illness).
I realise I haven’t meaningfully engaged with much of what you have written in your comment, but that’s largely because I don’t have much to add — you capture the frustration very well and unfortunately I can relate too hard to the silly nonsense cure suggestions.
This is what people don’t seem to get. I feel more and more guilty with every conversation like this.
No, I don’t feel better, but I should, apparently. And that’s my fault somehow. I’m not making that up or unnecessarily putting things on myself – it’s hard to come to a different conclusion when people get progressively more disappointed the more they talk to you. When you feel like a medical depressant. I mean that literally.
Every time I’m asked this, I feel like I should feel better, and when i don’t, I’m letting them down by not being able to do the thing.
Eventually I just can’t take it anymore. I’m letting everyone down by not getting better, so not only do I feel awful physically, but also mentally because I’m disappointing everyone I know. And god forbid I meet new people who I have to explain this to again.
I don’t want to meet people anymore, because I have to go through the whole thing again, and re-explain how it’s not going to be fixed by a diet, and yes, I know all the cures and everything. It’s exhausting.
e: clarification
You capture the vibe extremely well — the way you’ve explained it here makes me realise that when people ask if I feel better (yet), it low-key feels quite victim-blamey? Not in their intention probably, but in how it feels to regularly receive those comments. It makes me feel broken on another level beyond the disability.