That was… something. And I’d bet that Dan is on lemmy.

I did. But I never fantasised about actual incest, and certainly not with my family members. But fantasy incest in porn? Defo works for me.

I think lots of people are very capable of finding stuff hot as a fantasy while having zero interest in the reality. In fact, that’s part of the appeal. If I’m just watching hot people have sex, it just kinda makes me sad I’m not having sex with them. But if I’m watching a kinky scene or something that is taboo because of the relationship of the characters involved, then I can find it hot without being disappointed it isn’t real.

(and while I think there’s something to your theory, the popularity of stepmom porn suggests it’s not that simple, as most people who watch that probably had a mom)

I wonder if OP’s comments are often clarifications or even polite “thanks, I’ll try that!” kinda comments. Which are useful and appreciated, but aren’t adding a major new response and so less likely to be upvoted.

Also, people often up vote what they consider the “best” response to the question or issue of the post. And usually OP doesn’t provide the best response to their own post.

It was an episode of the X-Files for me

Are you talking about the ancient practice of dog sacrifice?

Nazis Prefer Blondes

Defintely, it’s a waste of an opportunity. But as someone also living in non-English speaking country, it’s surprisingly a lot of effort to make sure I actually expose my self to the language. If you’re work and social circles are all predominately English speaking, you need to take active steps to have meaningful exposure (and you most certainly should!)

I think it’s different now that in the past, because it’s so easy to live in a bubble and spend a lot of time communicating online. Even back in the ‘old country’ I barely spoke with strangers, beside shop interactions. I have my headphones on, listening to music, watching streaming services, and interacting with my friends and family. Now that I’m abroad, I can do pretty much the same thing, I don’t need to watch the local TV channels I can just watch YouTube, I don’t desperately need to make local friends, because I videochat and game with my buddies back home very easily.

It’s taken a couple of years here to realise that without actively pushing myself, I’m not really picking up much of the language. Now I make myself listen to talk radio in the car, and try to overhear conversations on the train, rather than existing in my normal bubble. It’s absolutely worth it, but if I’d been motivated I could have made myself consume shows, radios, etc in the target language back I the ‘old country’. And while there’s certainly more possible language partners to practice with, if they don’t emerge naturally in your social circle, then it’s not all that much easier than finding someone back home who wanted to improve their English to be my language buddy.

Tldr it’s a waste to not learn the local language, but failing to do so isn’t so much “doing something wrong” as “not actively pursuing a challenging but reward interest”.

Two years certainly could be enough, but it really depends what the environment. If OP, like many English speakers who live in France for a couple of years, was teaching English, or studying in an English speaking postgraduate course, and then socialising with a mix of people from different places, who all use English as their shared language… It can be pretty easy to miss out on a lot of immersion.

And the level of language to comfortably phone up a hospital, explain a slightly odd request and be bounced around different departments with the administration… I know plenty of native French speakers who would avoid doing that.

I’m actually surprised it’s as high as that!

Maybe in some places. But when I go out to a restaurant, I’m often surrounded by a few dozen other diners, and no one is acting up or shouting at waiting staff. I have seen customers be obviously rude to staff but it’s very rare compared to the number of “normal” interactions. Sure not everyone is friendly and totally polite, but entitled, shouting or just being an ass is an absolute exception, like less than 0.1%. I also worked as a waiter in a couple of different restaurants over a two year period, and don’t remember any incidents either to me or my colleagues.

When I read comments like this it makes me wonder if I’ve been lucky enough to live and work in decent places, and the USA is just an nightmare hellscape, or if the reality there is much more normal and we just hear an unrepresentative sample of it.

Just wanted to say thanks for the work you’ve put in. I’ve enjoyed the posts here, even if they’ve not be many! And I don’t think it’s your leadership that leads to a quiet community (unless your deleting hundreds of posts we never see?) it’s just lemmy doesn’t have a huge level of engagement on smaller communities.

I don’t know if I’m just being dyslexic, but I don’t feel like I get the core of your problem. Is it that you’re torn between trying to date/hook up with guys (which feels easier but is new?) vs gals (but you’re worried that women will find your advances unwanted?)?

If I’m understanding you right, then I’ve felt the same way. I’ve actually ended up in a long-term relationship with guy, which isn’t something I’d ever imagined, just because I went through a period of time where I was very stressed and busy and didn’t have time to date girls in the way I’d been used to, but hooking up with guys (via apps) was super easy and stress free. Just happened to meet a guy that I really hit it off with and now we’ve been together a long while.

Anyway, if you’re worried about guy stuff being new, don’t be! People are people, and in the end every man and women is pretty unique, so what seems like a really different thing (dating a different gender from usual) turns out to just be more variety. If you’re worried about women not wanting to be approached, I think if you do it nicely, in a relaxed and friendly manner and take a hint if they’re not interested then it’s okay!

And if you’re worried that you somehow need to choose, you don’t! That one of many joys of being bi, is you can be interested in anyone who tickles your fancy!

Something that I wouldn’t recommend (because I used to do it a lot) is trying to put girls at their ease by dropping hints that I’m bi/queer/interested in guys too. I thought it would help by making me seem less threatening, but only latter found out that depressing number of straight girls have a lot of (subconscious?) biphobia, and assume that if a guy is bi then he’s actually just gay and in denial (or worse, is some sort of std ridden slut).