“it was bad before so no point fighting now”
That’s what you sound like. Not to mention it’s undeniable that Twitter has more hate speech after apartheid emerald mine oligarch Musk bought it with Saudi money.
https://phys.org/news/2023-04-analysis-speech-significantly-twitter.html
I’m not in your situation, but I’ve been living with suicidal ideation for most of my life so I get the feeling on that front.
I can’t say what will help you, but I know mushrooms was practically a miracle for me. I hate the trip, and since I usually take them when I’m feeling low it’s not a good set/setting. But science says the trip quality has no effect on the ability to treat depression. What it does is give you some neuroplasticity, and that a godsend when you’re stuck in these loops of dark thought. I usually don’t have ANY suicidal ideation for MONTHS after taking shrooms, and even though the situation I’m in at the time sucks, I feel like a new person again. I come out of the trip with the energy and creativity I need to make the best of the situation and make some progress in my life, without constantly being ground down by hopeless thoughts.
There is a lot of science behind it too I’ll add a few links at the end. If you do try it, do it during the day, nature is always good, you’ll likely get nauseous and gravol or pot can help with that with some impact on the experience. Some people throw up during come up and report euphoria after so it’s not all bad if you don’t take anything. Try to get an open minded or experienced friend to trip sit if it’s possible at all. There is also a playlist put together by researchers at John Hopkins on spotify to do psychedelic research that I find helps guide the trip. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7aVExA8Lb72NFNbRBZfJLJ
Normally I wouldn’t recommend for a stranger to try psychedelics, but in this case, of you feel like you have nothing left to lose then you could have a lot to gain.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/2022/02/psilocybin-treatment-for-major-depression-effective-for-up-to-a-year-for-most-patients-study-shows
Whatever path you take, your life is worth living even if it doesn’t feel like it now. Just being transgender these days shows you have taken on bigger challenges than this and come out ahead, regardless of any setbacks you’ll run into. Just the information in this post shows you have a lot of life in you that’s currently being expressed as anger and frustration and a desire to leave a mark in the world. Life has a lot of pain, but you obviously have the spirit to find happiness in it too.
I wish you luck and the good, long life you deserve.