That’s so weird to me. I grew up in an area of Texas that is very red today. We quit both pledges in the 3rd or 4th grade. It’s weird that we did it at all, but that was back when they also taught that freedom of the individual was super important and if you didn’t like what someone else was doing you could always just look away because it wasn’t your fucking business. So they didn’t make us do it at a certain point because it was counter to the other shit they said. That was in the years leading up to Ann Richards being voted as governor so that may inform outsiders of what was happening at the time.

There’s a lot of problematic shit that happened when I was a kid. Don’t get me wrong. But at least they seemed to be headed the right direction at the time with the info we had (that’s a whole other ball of garbage that I’m not picking at today…ask me another time when it’s not 3am). I had forgotten about both pledges as an adult until someone reminded me a few years ago that it was a thing.

Texas has gotten way more idiotic over the last 30 odd years.

I grew up in the Deep South part of Texas and moved to and currently live in Texas Texas. I have a lot of feelings about this map that I can’t really convey.

It’s a gratuity.

He tries to sell you beans while you’re on the operating table.

I come from a time when seeing a therapist meant you were crazy and might either chew someone’s leg off or kill yourself any moment. You’re spot on.

Naw, the Texas Drunk is a buddy of mine. He’s out east these days but his heart and his drinking problem are here with us.

I’m definitely a problem drinker (I don’t recommend it, self medication is a bitch) but I’ve seen that guy do two weeks straight of staying drunk morning to night on vacation. We went camping at the beach and at 7 am I heard the csshh of a beer opening after being up most of the night drinking. He’s been doing that since 1998. If he’s not doing something that needs sobriety he’s tanked.

One of the best guys I know. I’m just a drunk and I never want that other title. Too much work. I’m only tanked a couple of nights a week most of the time.

He’s confused about the corpus delicti. It’s supposed to be corpus delectamentum (delicious body).

That’s to make sure you don’t have Twinnings brand tannerite.

They’re looking for explosives and weapons (kind of, badly). They absolutely do not give a shit about drugs unless you’re carrying cocaine that has been shaped into a weapon.

“Don’t you remember a few weeks ago when you said you wanted to…”

Project 2025 Administrative Slogan.

I spell shit wrong because I’m a drunk. Whoever reads this, listen to this person and not me.

Are you ok? Do I need to send brisket? My smallest packer is 14lbs. I don’t want you to run out, friend!

I had just gone into the military. I fucking get it.

Fuck Raphael “Ted” “my wife is ugly and incapable of taking care of our children without me supervising” Cruz.

I liked him until he shot himself in the foot. He’s nonviable for a while now though.

Does anyone really go through life without a hurricane brisket? I’ve also started keeping a freeze brisket just in case. Plus my generic emergency brisket and my weekly brisket.

Safety precautions are so important. Duds go in the bucket and you use a grabber. Never touch something that didn’t go off.

From the book The Chronicles of Mad Maxine and from Dark Side of the Ring S01E06.

The latest news that I’ve seen is that it won’t explode for tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of years. It’s predicted that in the next 300 years it’ll run out of fuel leading to collapse.

Well that makes total sense to me. I thought it was well known that the speed of light as measured in metric units is actually determined by the placement of the pyramid, not the other way around.