• 4 Posts
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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Is your friend group maybe not as available because it’s all new love and stuff?

    It is around that time where people start coupling up and getting married and having babies.

    You’re gonna have some friends that you naturally drift apart from during this phase - especially with the babies.

    I don’t want babies and this has been tough. I try to stay aware of how much energy I’m giving friendships where people don’t/can’t reciprocate. Even putting it out there and saying “hey! I’d love to hang out and plan a lunch in the next month with you. You seem super busy - can you let me know if there is a good time?” Put the focus on them. If they don’t let you know you have your answer not to sink more energy into it until their lives change. You don’t need to write anyone off - just shift your energy.


  • If you don’t want a partner stop caring how other people live their lives and what they’re doing. People change their minds all the time and also say things they don’t mean.

    Something that helps me ground when I get mad about other peoples’ actions is that it’s not about me. It’s not about conversations they have had with me or promises they have made to me. I simply do not factor into the choices another person makes in their lives.


  • You will find them but you have to be happy being alone first.

    I might be reading too much into your writing, but it strikes me as frustrated. Whether or not you voice this know that it’s harder to attract people when you’re unhappy.

    How hard are you working? Remember to have balance in your life and participate in activities where you meet new people. A change of scene helps too - move or take a long vacation to do what gives you joy.


  • Hickling is a clinical psychologist from Albany, N.Y., who has studied the effects of fatal auto accidents on the drivers who survive them. He says these people are often judged with disproportionate harshness by the public, even when it was clearly an accident, and even when it was indisputably not their fault.

    Humans, Hickling said, have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.

    In hyperthermia cases, he believes, the parents are demonized for much the same reasons. “We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us. We don’t want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters.”


  • From the Pulitzer article (please read it):

    Diamond is a professor of molecular physiology at the University of South Florida and a consultant to the veterans hospital in Tampa.[…]

    “Memory is a machine,” he says, “and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you’re capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child.”

    “The quality of prior parental care seems to be irrelevant,” he said. “The important factors that keep showing up involve a combination of stress, emotion, lack of sleep and change in routine, where the basal ganglia is trying to do what it’s supposed to do, and the conscious mind is too weakened to resist. What happens is that the memory circuits in a vulnerable hippocampus literally get overwritten, like with a computer program. Unless the memory circuit is rebooted – such as if the child cries, or, you know, if the wife mentions the child in the back – it can entirely disappear.”



  • There’s actually a great article on this. Warning, it’s a TOUGH read.

    Archive link

    What kind of person forgets a baby? The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate[…]

    Last year it happened three times in one day, the worst day so far in the worst year so far in a phenomenon that gives no sign of abating.

    The facts in each case differ a little, but always there is the terrible moment when the parent realizes what he or she has done, often through a phone call from a spouse or caregiver. This is followed by a frantic sprint to the car. What awaits there is the worst thing in the world.

    It’s a shockingly common occurrence and actually not due to neglect a lot of the time. The article posits that a large reason is because car seats were mandated to be moved to the back seat.





  • I have a second home but I inherited it. It would need 100s of ks in renos to rent out. It wouldn’t bring me much money to sell it - would probably need to sell for land value only.

    But - it’s a place of refuge for my family member in an emotionally abusive relationship, a friend struggling with her marriage, a crash space if anyone I love is in a rough spot. It’s brought my family together and it’s where we gather.

    I don’t think this is wrong because I am using it for net positive purposes in the long term, and someone otherwise probably couldn’t use it - it would be a tear-down.





  • Not a lawyer or American but here’s the text of the law. I’m guessing it depends on how you define dispute, controversy and whether is “with” the US, or whether this constitutes “defeating the measures of.”

    Playing devil’s advocate I could see an argument of he’s just looking for alternative solutions in America’s best interest.

    § 953. Private correspondence with foreign governments.

    Any citizen of the United States, wherever he may be, who, without authority of the United States, directly or indirectly commences or carries on any correspondence or intercourse with any foreign government or any officer or agent thereof, with intent to influence the measures or conduct of any foreign government or of any officer or agent thereof, in relation to any disputes or controversies with the United States, or to defeat the measures of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both.

    This section shall not abridge the right of a citizen to apply himself, or his agent, to any foreign government, or the agents thereof, for redress of any injury which he may have sustained from such government or any of its agents or subjects.