My childhood best friend was raised in a JW family and eventually became an atheist. He also refers to it as a cult. I’m really proud of him for getting out of it, because doing so was difficult (because of it being a cult!) and took a lot of strength

Don’t call me out like this :3

I am very hungry and dehydrated but I cannot leave my bed

Inspirational! I have an orchid that I purchased at a discount because of its damaged root system. I’ve been caring for it for a few months and it doesn’t seem to be dying so I assume it’s happy. Not as happy as yours though!

My computer is old and slow so loading teams is like elder abuse

I took your advice and can confirm that it is in fact a good one 🦀🦀🦀

I’ve never heard of this before and I have not listened to it but I just really like crabs so I bet it’s a good one

Objection: feels like copeposting

I had a mole on my back too and sometimes it would grow a HAIR. It grew a HAIR because it was a LIBERAL so it wasn’t BALD because it wasn’t producing RUGGED hair-killing dihydrotestosterone. Anyway then I had it removed because it looked like it could become COMMUNIST.

Just finished the first one. It was bad and I had a great time. I plan to watch the others later. Thanks for the recommendation!

Idk any of the context, I just read it as freudposting and thought that was funny. All my homies hate Freud

Carrots. Plain carrots. It helps that I’m too lazy to get anything to dip them in. They are just so convenient.

A group of humans need to pass through a doorway with two doors. The leading human opens one of the doors and passes through the doorway. The next human follows them through the open doorway, and so does the next, and the one after them. The humans bunch up around the one open door, funneling themselves through it rather than opening the other door right beside it.

Then I, the smartest and best of humans, make use of my divine and otherworldly gifts to open the other door that was right there the WHOLE TIME. Truly I am a gift upon the world. Someone should give me chocolates.

Their not doing it by purpose?!

More fibre pleases the colon gods and makes my poops more better. Also keeps me feeling full for longer.

I had a really nice washing machine. Then it broke. The manufacturer was dissolved 25 years ago.

I had a really nice cast iron pan. Then it fractured. Modern cast iron pans aren’t smooth.

I had a really nice car. Then a part broke. Replacement parts haven’t been available for 50 years.

I had a really nice flip phone. It was made by Nokia so it still works. People think it’s weird that I use a flip phone.

I had a really nice peace and quiet. Then someone invented ambulances. Now I cower in the corner of my bedroom hiding from manmade horrors beyond my comprehension.