I donā€™t know where to post this but I just want to get this off my head so just ignore if not interested, kind of all feelings I just felt in a 10 minute time frame out in the wild:

As I walked home two hours ago I passed by a student party. The air was thick with a youthful energy that I recognized all too wellā€”a buzz that seemed to capture both the excitement and uncertainty of those nights where anything felt possible. I know that at 31, Iā€™m still young, but in a different wayā€”a way that carries the weight of experience and the quiet wisdom that only comes from living through those wild, uncharted years.

From the speakers, the unmistakable opening chords of ā€œBlink 182 - First Dateā€ filled the night air. I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes, and in an instant, I was 19 again. I was back at those hazy, crowded parties, standing nervously by the bar, a little tipsy, trying to work up the courage to talk to someone. Back then, life felt like a series of endless possibilities, each one as intoxicating as the drinks in our hands. I didnā€™t know where I was headed, and honestly, I didnā€™t care. The future was a distant thought, overshadowed by the thrill of the present moment.

Then, as if the universe was in on the nostalgia, ā€œSum 41 - In Too Deepā€ came on.

I stood there, lost in the music, feeling like I was 19 all over again, but this time with the knowledge and perspective that come with being 31. I remembered the sting of those awkward moments, the times I fumbled for the right words and ended up with nothing but a smile and a kind rejection. But I also remembered the highsā€”like that one night when, after what felt like an eternity of nervous anticipation, I finally had my first kiss, and it happened to this very song. That kiss, clumsy and sweet, would turn out to be with the woman who is now my wife. Back then, I never could have imagined that the girl I was so nervous to talk to would one day be the person Iā€™d spend my life with.

What can I say? Those were truly unforgettable times. As the memories washed over me, I slowly continued on my way, but I couldnā€™t resist one last glance back at the party, my ears still tuned to the music. ā€œThe Offspring - The Kids Arenā€™t Alrightā€ was playing now, and I couldnā€™t help but smile. It was almost as if time had stood still in that moment, even though everything else had changed.

But as I walked away, I also couldnā€™t help but feel a pang of sadness. In those years since, Iā€™ve lost three of my closest friendsā€”one to cancer, another in a car accident, and one to a pulmonary embolism. They were the friends who danced with me to these very songs, who shared in those wild, carefree nights. Their absence makes those memories even more precious, and bittersweet.

Yet, as much as I cherish those memories, I know those days are behind me. They belong to a chapter of my life thatā€™s closed, but not forgottenā€”especially not when the love that began in those moments is still with me today, and the memories of those we lost continue to live on in my heart.

Itā€™s weird because I feel like I will never get the time back. The time between being 16 and about 22. I know I have a lot coming at me in my next years but I know that a lot of it isnā€™t going to be what ā€œwasā€. Itā€™s going to be a different great but different ride. With that being said I am in for it but I also would like to experience the other ride one last time, but I canā€™t. I slowl moved on and away from the music and the teens partying because letā€™s be honest. 31 is young but not ā€œ22ā€ young where you could just ā€œjoin the partyā€.

Festivals have also changed. Going to festivals at age 20 was bringing 1000 beer cans and cheap food. Atleast here in Germany. Now it is 75% a kindergarden and all are ā€œnormalā€ people at our camp ground. Itā€™s fun but not what it was like at 20. Now we have kids jumping around. Heck, we are going to Summer Breeze and we have an own fridge for baby foodā€¦ Unthinkable 10 years ago because all the moms and dads at our camping spot were drunk party animals ten years ago. Donā€™t get me wrong - Iā€™m glad they arenā€™t drunk party animals them being parents now. But this is what I mean with ā€œdifferent rideā€. We share the stories years ago but we wonā€™t relive them anytime soon.

A friend for example has ā€œbaby timeā€ during Heaven Shall Burn this year. I donā€™t have kids but if I do I know that ā€œrideā€ is gonna be special because well having a baby brings responsibilities and it might be fun taking care of ā€œyour babyā€. But itā€™s a different fun.

  • flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works
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    3 months ago

    Yeah, this was a great wee read. As a slightly burnt 45y/o, it was lovely to dip into this nostalgia and ā€¦verve(?).

    I totally need to seize the day more so this is well-timed. Iā€™ve been too passive for way too long