Hello,
this might sound like a lie or a Letter to Penthouse, but I’m in a situation I’ve never thought to get in and I’m just a bit flabbergasted on how to proceed.
EDIT: Since English is not my First language and I lack the skill to keep this coherent without names,
Let’s say my fiancé’s Name is Lara.
And the Name of the female friend of mine is Nami.
Everything started when Nami came to visit me and Lara to celebrate Lara’s Birthday with us and our friends. Since Nami lives on the other side of the country, she came to stay a whole week with us.
We live near the Beach, so we went there and spent the day. I still have no Idea how we started talking about this, but we started talking that I (m) had no Problem if Lara would kiss another Girl. The conversation continued and she said she would like to experiment with me and another Girl.
Since Nami is in an open relationship with her significant other, we started jokingly talking about this.
Last night, Lara and I talked even more about this. And we agreed that Nami would be the only person (at the moment) with whom we could even think about doing something like this. So because we are cowards and haven’t done anything like this ever, we send her a Text message. (She was literally across the hallway in our living room). She said she somewhat expected something like this and said she will think about it. To be clear, we just want to start slow and I see what is okay to do and what not.
Lara is demisexual, and Nami is also not opposed to Girls (I forgot the correct Terminology, sorry ._.).
I have literally NO Idea what might come and I could REALLY need some advice. Do I just keep rolling with it and see what happens? Or should I do something?
Please don’t give me any “Frat bro”-type of advice, I’m not a Chad or anything. I’m a chubby dude who somehow managed to get a beautiful girl to fall in Love with me. I had sex with only two women ever (multiple times, though), so I know how to have Sex but this would be a HUGE step out of my known territory.
I’ve known Nami for more than 10 years and had a long time crush on her.
And I love Lara with all my heart.
Talk to Lara about your having a crush on Nami. Now, not later.
Why? I was like 13 when I had a crush on her. It passed and now I’m with Lara. I still think Nami is quite attractive and we are really close friends.
Relationships surviving opening are based on communication and openness, talk about everything now before you’re on the other side of it and doing damage control.
Naaaaah we are not opening or relationship!
Me & Lara just want to see how this would be and if it would be fun.
I’d argue that you can’t go through a door without opening it first, even if it’s only to let one person in temporarily. Just this one time would still entail opening the relationship, if only briefly. What if Lara really enjoyed it and wants to keep doing this? What if you don’t like it and Lara does, how do you go about that?
Questions I don’t need the answers to, but you and Lara absolutely do. Up front, not after the fact! Talk it out until there’s nothing left to talk about and then revisit all of the discussed points to make sure there are zero questions unanswered for all three of you. It can get real complicated real fast if anything is left up to the imagination and someone gets hurt.
Good luck!
The “open” part of open relationship means open communication. It is the most important part for it to work. If someone is not open about their feelings the other will catch on which might lead to confusion, insecurity and anger.