Your campaign slogans will be things like:
Whelp, we invented crocks. I think we’re done here.
The fact we built ChatGPT proves we need to be sent back to the Stone Age.
We’ve had a good run. Time to quit while we’re ahead.
Time to see if nuclear winter cancels out global warming.
When campaigning, promise that you will only do one thing in office. Upon taking the oath of office, you will immediately demand the nuclear football and order the launch of the entire US nuclear arsenal, all at once, in a completely unprovoked first strike against every other nuclear power and against every national capital on the planet.
In debates, your answers will be simple and direct:
What will I do about our falling education standards? I’ll start a nuclear war!
What will I do to ease America’s tax burden? I’ll start a nuclear war!
How will I improve racial justice in the country? I’ll start a nuclear war!
I’m gonna look back on this moment someday and laugh bitterly to myself that it used to be a joke.
Where can I donate to the cause?
The issue might be another nuclear power striking as soon as the results come in
That actually accomplished the promised goal.
I’m WoodScientist. I’m running for office. And I can tell you, I keep my promises! <Grins the Devil himself from ear to ear.>
I’d vote for you. I’ve been voting for write in candidate “Big Deadly Astroid to End Us All” since the 2000 election. They’ve yet to be discussed on CNN, or Fox News, or any of the other election coverage stations.
Is it so wrong to want humanity to go up in a big firey end??? C’MON!!! We as a species are the ONLY species in history that has members of it’s species, who’ve stuck a live mouse up their own butthole purely for sexual pleasure. We’re the only species who spent a time period obsessed with Beanie Babies. We’re the only species who recognizes Ohio as a real place.
Clearly we had a bad run, and need to wipe the slate clean.
