Due to my “privacy consciousness” (yes, you could call it digital paranoia, but that sounds as if i were ill and not just conscious about how data trade works in the age of total surveillance) dating apps are no options - the compromise i’m living with is owning, using and carrying a phine with me but without any non-free or known malicious (tracking, data-mining, spying, etc) software.
Any advice on how to get to know interesting people? How did you get to know your partners or acquantances? Did you just give in and opt for one or another dating platform?
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Get hobbies and go out irl
i have hobbies and i do go out - so what now?
Do you make friends while out? Flirt?
acquantances yes, friends sometimes, flirt rarely - which when i try more often than not feels awkward and almost never results in a mutually flirty interaction, so i let it go
To meet interesting people, be an interesting person. Pick up some hobbies, volunteer work, and/or exercise routines. Choose ones that are social, frequented by other people your own age, and most importantly of interest/passion to you. I’d highly recommend activities that involve the outdoors as a place to start; in my experience they tend to be less stuffy and better for socializing if everyone’s naturally moving around (example: chatting up a stranger at the gym = creepy; chatting up a stranger on a group hike or river cleanup event = expected/encouraged). You may need to shop around for different activities and groups until you find one you jive with and that’s okay. Above all else, do NOT go into them specifically with dating in mind! Your goals should be: 1) engaging in an activity of interest/passion, 2) making new friends/acquaintances, 3) learning about new activity/socialization opportunities (often the best stuff is discovered through word-of-mouth, best friends met as a friend-of-a-friend, etc). Dating opportunities are sure to pop up, but be patient because they’ll usually be when you least expect it. If you force the issue you risk coming off as pushy/creepy. Remember most people are just there to engage in the activity and maybe make new friends; if you want a scene where flirtation is expected and most people have dating in mind stick with bars, speed dating events, etc.
I think of myself as an interesting person - and I know quite a lot of them. I guess my question was more about “getting to know interesting people to go on dates with”.
Maybe as an extra challenge: I am identified as male and am in my mid-30s
Okay, having read your responses to other comments it looks like you’re looking for advice on how to ask people out. Which is different from your original questions, so you’re not getting the answers you’re looking for.
It sounds like you don’t have issues with meeting people, which is step one. Step two is identifying who of those people you are interested in and are potentially available. Step three is asking them out (or being asked out) successfully. Step three is difficult for many people, especially if step two is ignored/skipped. Step three is also the most complicated, and I’d recommend making a completely new post about it because what you’ve done here is the relationship equivalent of asking the internet how to do basic algebra, and following it up with “now how do I utilize that concept in this seven-part question from my Calculus II homework?”
For the new post I’d recommend including a lot more context, including your gender, orientation, age range, dating experience/history, and what specifically you’re struggling with. For instance, are you asking people out but getting turned down? Are you struggling to identify who to ask out? Are you having difficulty making your romantic (vs platonic) intentions known, or interpreting if the other person is interested back? Give examples of what has/hasn’t worked. Your original questions were too vague and too lacking in personal detail to get the specific advice it sounds like you’re looking for.
Also, are you by chance neurodivergent? That is another factor that will change the advice that you’re looking for.
A final obligatory disclaimer: please do be careful with what advice you seek out and receive. There is a lot of shitty “dating strategy” advice out there that is ineffective at best and harmful at worst (redpill, alpha male, Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, etc). Failure can easily come from taking good advice to the extreme: yes it helps to be a well-groomed, well-dressed, fit, good-looking, charismatic, and financially successful person, but that doesn’t mean that if you’re not late-90s Brad Pitt you’re doomed to failure (that’s the incel trap). Also, some people luck out and live long, happy lives with the first person they ask out, but that’s exceedingly rare. Nearly everyone faces failure in dating, and sometimes that failure was because of something you did wrong or could have done better (lessons to learn from), but sometimes it’s just because the two people weren’t a good fit (no lesson to learn, except dust yourself off and try again).
i have never been diagnosed (nor do i think i suffer) but i’m almost 100% sure i’m not normal ;)
that being said i don’t think my question was wrong: i am wondering how other people find people willing to go out on dates without opting for online dating-services. this is not really the same as “how do i get to know people”, “how do i make friends” or “how can i become more interesting”. i see how these questions can relate to mine but they are not really the same, unless the universal answer to my question was: “you live your life and ask out whoever you find interesting - just make sure to make negative responses easy and the whole situation not too weird”
but thanks for all the input, this gives me some indications how you people deal with the situation (: