My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
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Why are chickens so cool?
B’caws
Knock knock
Owls
Owls whoo
Yes they do
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick
There’s a dad jokes lemmy!
dadjokes@lemmy.world
whats long, brown, and sticky? a stick.
what’s long, blue, and sticky? a blue stick.
ive found kids live this due to the misdirection and then doubling down on it.
What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it didn’t have any body to go with
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
Wow, I’ve heard both of these with different punchlines:
-
Lettuce out, it’s cold in here!
-
Because it didn’t have the guts.
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Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling crummy!
What’d the envelope say to the stamp?
Stick with me, kid, we’ll go places.
My favorite clean joke, what do call a ship on the ocean floor that twitches? A nervous wreck.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Bah-dum-tsss.
Two nuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
My kiddo loved that around her age.
That does not sound very age appropriate
What’s inappropriate about a salted nut?
It’s offensive to people with hypernatremia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypernatremia
Hypernatremia is a high concentration of sodium in the blood for people who nut often.
Symptoms include weak knees, sore arms, and a salty taste in the mouth.
lmao
I don’t get it
Nuts often are salted. A salted, assaulted.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
The interruptive cow
The interrup-
MOOOOOO
Don’t teach them this one unless you’re visiting a relative you don’t like
Why shouldn’t you go the forest at noon?
That’s when the ripe elephants fall from the trees.Why does the alligator have such a flat nose?
Because he went to the forest at noon.Bonus points if you space them out a bit with unrelated jokes.
I pull out a sketch book, say I will do a portrait and put my thump up for reference then hand them a high detail illustration of my own thumb. Lot of effort.
Guess what? Chicken butt.
I have some sense of self preservation. She’s bad enough right now calling everyone a banana!
What has five toes and is not your foot?
My foot!
That one should definitely get a groan out of her teacher!
From: plutopiaworld
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
I thought queue came from French
Originally, yes.
But in present usage Americans say “line” while Brits say “queue.”
I’m not sure about other Anglophone places.
There’s a few spellings I apparently have blind spot for. That is definitely one of them.
