Of all of your interests, what is one that would be a “confession” to someone you’re in a new relationship with. When I say confession, I don’t mean a “Lets sit down and talk” thing, but something you’re hesitant to say immediately and would maybe be a little nervous about.
Mine would probably be my natural submissiveness to women. I’m switch but being submissive clicks with me mentally in a way that being dominant doesn’t. Many women I’ve known are submissive, so telling them I’m submissive to them would be something I’d be nervous about.
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I’m wired differently. Physically. Like, things that work for most men can’t possibly work for me because the sensitive nerve endings all grew in a different spot. It would become difficult because I’d have to find the heart to tell them and the ego hit of not being able to satisfy me normally might be too great that there’s the temptation to just fake it rather than admit that I’m a special case. Plus, early on in our relationship, who wants to do all that explaining? It’s easy to sound entitled. I could totally see it reaching grand confession proportions.
I could see that being really tough from your perspective. Have you had situations go south before?
Yes, but wholesomely, it was mainly because I wasn’t clear about this sooner. I’ve been fortunate enough to have good communication in my partners.
With that said, things can be complicated. It takes an open mind.
If you don’t mind sharing… Which spot?
I love when my partner pisses on me.
Especially if they eat something that makes it smell different like asparagus or coffee.
Coffee makes the pee smell different?
Absolutely. My girlfriend can sometimes tell when I’ve had coffee from the lingering smell in the bathroom.
Yeah, that’s why they say you shouldn’t drink you’re own pee if you’ve recently had coffee
I mean you shouldn’t drink your pee when you have had coffe, either.
There is a reason that crap was filtered out people!
But what if the coffee was really good? Or what if it’s someone else’s coffee pee?
Well I’ve never heard anyone say “you shouldn’t drink someone else’s pee who has recently consumed good coffee” so I guess it must be fine
I think it’s good to get people’s sexualities out in the open before the relationship even begins. Like, I’m a bottom and I simply don’t fuck women (in a conventional sense). Gay guys are more understanding. It’s kind of a big deal and I wouldn’t want to lead with false assumptions.
It’s been a while since I’ve dated. But when I did, it was tough to bring up sex early because it could be interpreted as I only wanted sex. Or…it could be agreeing on what we like.
I put my sexual preferences in my dating profiles and I make sure I’m as direct as the setting allows. I can’t understand people who are coy about their sexuality. Mismatching sexuality is absolutely a dealbreaker. I recently spent an entire day with a guy who suddenly decided he wasn’t gay. Could have saved me the trouble.
Yeah I would need to know if a guy is submissive because that wouldn’t work for me, wouldn’t judge you for it at all just not good match. Just spent too many years fighting my own nature, I am not doing that for any guy anymore. So I think it’s good to get out of the way, the girls who are into it will love it, probably be a relief to them.
Exactly, it would have to be a match. In the case of a woman who is submissive, I would happily dominate her, but there would always be something missing for me. If she’s dominant, it opens up a whole new conversation that would likely be very fun.
Despite being with my wife for nearly half my life, I’ve never had penetrative sex. It was originally because my wife has severe anxiety about things going inside her, but to be honest there’s some hesitancy from me now as well. I’ve gotten very used to how we have sex and it doesn’t involve penetration.
We have a partner now and I think it’s something that they’d be open to, but I’m actually pretty nervous about the whole thing.
My desires were always fairly unconventional but the way my wife’s and my sex life has developed has really reinforced that. My wife is essentially 100% top at this point. They have no real interest in reciprocation. They’re on the ace spectrum so their enjoyment is different. Every once in a blue moon they’ll ask for something but it generally doesn’t end with them orgasming. All of that to say my main contribution to my sex life has just been becoming enjoyable to watch. I’m usually very vocal and squirmy. I whimper, beg, plead, cry, scream, etc. lol.
It was somewhat validating that one of the first times the three of us had sex together our new partner said they loved what I was doing and that it was definitely turning them on. I felt a lot of pressure to reciprocate for my wife for so long because I didn’t want to be one of those lazy partners who doesn’t do anything, but that’s sort of what my wife wants out of it. Letting go of that was difficult for me. So actually hearing from someone else tell me that what I’m doing is actually enjoyable meant a lot. Not that I ever doubted my wife, but, you know how things are. Like when a stranger compliments your outfit as opposed to someone you know well.
So, that would be the “confession”. I’d never describe myself as a virgin, but I’ve definitely never had traditional sex.
It was somewhat validating that one of the first times the three of us had sex together our new partner said they loved what I was doing and that it was definitely turning them on. I felt a lot of pressure to reciprocate for my wife for so long because I didn’t want to be one of those lazy partners who doesn’t do anything, but that’s sort of what my wife wants out of it. Letting go of that was difficult for me. So actually hearing from someone else tell me that what I’m doing is actually enjoyable meant a lot. Not that I ever doubted my wife, but, you know how things are. Like when a stranger compliments your outfit as opposed to someone you know well.
That’s very fascinating. I hadn’t considered that situation but it makes sense. That would definitely fall under a consideration.
Good luck with everything. Seems like it could be a tough situation that you’re handling well.
M - Rape fetish. That’s something that wouldn’t come up for a loooooooooong time and only if I had some inkling that it wouldn’t trigger anything or blow up in my face or that she already had some fantasies like that. I guess it’s a somewhat common fantasy for some women too, but given the potentially violent nature of it, I wouldn’t want to open up some old trauma or give them the wrong idea. It’s weird to think about anyways, “Hey, I want you to pretend like you don’t want sex with me, but you’re going to let me have it anyways.” Like, wtf?
