When hurricane Milton hit I lost power, internet and my cell signal was like using dial up so all online access was gone for about a week. Sent the family to go stay with friends and I stayed behind. With no electricity and no internet all I had was myself. The first 2 or 3 days were tough. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I cleaned and sat outside in the shade to escape the heat. By the end of the week I was in a good place, not perfect, but better than when I started. I was relaxed, my thoughts were clearer, I could comfortably focus on one thing at a time. I think knowing that after I was done focusing on something I could return to a comfortable quiet helped.

When power and internet came back within 2 days everything was back to ‘normal’. No more peace. No more comfortable focusing. Back to my usual habits. I recommend disconnecting from phones and computers for a few weeks. Give your mind time to get into the habit of not using them, it’s so easy to fall back into old habits, you have to set the stage for new ones to slowly grow, like trending a garden it takes time and effort.

One of best descriptions of self mental health care was from Rick and Morty. It’s like wiping your ass, or washing the dishes. It’s not fun but it’s something you have to do everyday. You can suffer the pain of doing it, or suffer the pain of having not done it. Front load the pain don’t offload it to your future self. Give future self a break, do some work for him/her and I know they’ll be incredibly appreciative.

I’m my past when I was at my worst I noticed that I was in a better place when I was around people than when I wasn’t. Be around people/friends if you can. Ask someone to spend party of a day with you doing absolutely anything.

Exercise until you know you will be sore the next day. I didn’t exercise regularly, but I did notice that whenever I did some physical activity that left me sore the next day, within about 2 or 3 days I was a much better version of myself for a day or two.

So in conclusion. Do nice things for future self, even talk out loud to yourself about future you like they’re someone else. Disconnect from Internet and tv so your mind can have some time to itself. Be around people, we are social animals, we need to feel like we are part of a group, a tribe, maybe go take some night classes that will force you to work on a project with others. Exercise or do something strenuous.

Oh and a couple more things, try to establish a regular sleep schedule! Someone mentioned this already and they’re right, change your environment. Your mind and body will default to the feelings it’s used to having in the place it most often has them. As an example, if you’re a home pooper then when you get home your body will go into pooping mode. If you only use your bed to sleep and not look at your phone or watch tv then you will feel sleepy when you get in bed. New environments will put your mind into learning mode not default mode, keep finding ways to keep it from sitting back down into the depression it’s left in the chair. Like that song, you can get used to a certain kind of sadness.

Okay one more thing, video games. I like playing them but I have a habit of using them like a drug. It feels good to use a drug, and when you hardly feel good why wouldn’t you use it. You will play them again, and you’ll enjoy them more after your mind has had some quite time to itself. You’ll get to play again someday, you just have some mental chores that need tending to first.

Last thing I promise. Quite time is even better when done in nature. Any nature. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution designed us to be in nature, part of nature. Quite time means no podcasts or music as well.

Now get out there and do the dishes, wipe your ass, and do something nice for future self, they fucking deserve it.

Drugs. Lots of drugs

This’ll probably get drowned but I managed to beat depression before flying off the deep end and developing psychotic symptoms.

Had depression for 12 years before I decided to put work in it. 6 years ago, I didn’t know how to, or what to expect. Figured if I spent 10 years depressed, it would take 10 years to recover. It ended up taking about 3.5 to 4 years of remission. I didn’t take any medication or drugs. Only addiction I got is videogaming. Still haven’t beaten that.

I’ll try to keep it chronological, but it’s hazy. What I did was:

1. The opposite of what I had been doing my life up till that point.

I was digging my own grave, but didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. So I did everything ass backwards to find out what did and didn’t contribute to my own misery. For me, that meant saying what’s on my mind, embarassing myself and learning from it. Trial and error is the way to go for paupers. That and radical acceptance that it’s gonna suck. Gotta welcome shit with open arms when cleaning your psychic septic tank.

2. Change of enviroment.

In my case. It meant a change of goals. The first was getting better. The second was learnibg something new. Got lucky I had a 2nd chance at studying towards a new work field. But it can be anything else. Just something on the horizon. Mind you, don’t focus on it. The thing to look out for, is useful as a distraction, and only as a distraction. It’s a bad source of motivation as the future isn’t real. It can become the now, but the future itself never is real. Focus on the now, with just something to look out for. At this stage, you’ll still won’t understand the point of it all, so just accept you don’t. Take it 1 day at a time. Only look back or at the future on occasion. You won’t see a change every week, but over time, you might.

First change in depression I noticed was the ability to feel negative emotions. For me, it was anger. Pure rage. Never had I understood what seeing red, white hot fury or hothead meant. Felt like a hot rock was lodged between my skull and top of my brain. I realised I had never been angry. Anger is a double edged sword. The positive side is that it’s there to fight injustice. Your injustice. The bad side is seeking dominance or control over something. The only thing you should seek control over, is yourself and how you handle life. Not others, or things that can’t be controlled.

Then the hormonal changes occurred. I became restless, and my ADHD symptoms got worse real quick. Had tons of energy. Had no libido before, and suddenly did. Depression affects everything. So expect weird shit during remission. Nothing to be afraid of.

About a year in or so doing step 1 and living inside step 2, I beat anhedonia. It was like background radiation. Except instead of cancer, it gives you energy. Just a tiny hum of joy in the background. Doing new things becomes rewarding. Doing something for the sake of doing it becomes rewarding. Fun is an understatement. And it isn’t some intense dopamine hit either. It just is background joys. And man, it is damn worth it.

3. Exercise. I had tried on and off to hit the gym. I kept trying for years before, and still failed now. Even got sick for a year due to shitty night shifts messing with my circadian rythmn. In hind sight, I wonder how much it contributed to my psychotic symptoms, considering it was cortisol related. Lockdown from the 'rona saved my ass who couldn’t set healthy boundaries.

2 years in, I did something I never done before. Applying for a job just for the hell of it. You start doing stuff because of an intrinsic drive, and not because “it’s the sensible thing to do.”

When you’re depressed and passively suicidal, you don’t understand the point of living. Anhedonia and motivational anhedonia are the reason you can’t understand it. And man, was it a radical discovery. Suddenly, it just “makes sense” why people want to live. Because hell, I wanted to live!

3. Exercise again.

Attempt #godknows. 3 months of weekly exercise it took to learb to enjoy sports. I didn’t lose any weight, but my obese ass was able to keep running 9km/h for 15min straight. Ate healthy for the most part too. Felt good despite being fat as fuck. Did wonders for my confidence.

Got lucky and built up some friends. Never really had any before.

4. Figure out your maturity, and deal with family. Generational trauma galore.

Like anyone else, I have family issues. My parents aren’t mature people, and expecting them to change is… stupid. But I still saw my mom hurting, and hurting others as a result. Mostly my sister and I. I wanted understand her. She was born from a mess, into a mess, and made a mess of her family because she doesn’t know any better. She scores high in narc traits and ADHD. Allround, a difficuly person to be around with.

Perfect for learning how to navigate diffocult relationships. Learning what’s okay, and what isn’t. Learning how to set boundaries, and discovering they mean nothing to someone who doesn’t respect you. Boundaries are only respected by those who respect you. In all other cases, boundaried are only respected if you can enforce them. Seems like a yah-duh moment. But it’s not something I understood. Learned it through trial and error, with the luck of a narc for a mom to practice on.

And by some miracle, we made progress. I know how to get her guard down. The source of her bad behaviour is survival mode. Who could have thought there was a human being behind a manipulative monster? One who beat her 6yo daughter for wandering off. One who aborted a 3 month pregnancy because she felt it was going to be a boy, and she didn’t want a son. I’m sorry bro, but you dodged a bullet. She would have treated you worse than my sister and I.

Point is, you don’t know shit. And your family history shapes you. You take over their bad traits, and it’s your choice on whether you want to become like them, or learn to deal with it and grow as a person.

5. Don’t move the bar.

Shit stranger. You get this far in recovery? It’s a fucking miracle you did. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t move the bar.

Because if you keep doing that, you’ll end up like me.

Every time you raise the bar on yourself, you’ll lose that background joy. Your motivation will vaporize. Take health for example. Move the bar too often and going to the gym isn’t enough anymore. You’ll start looking too much at the horizon, other people and it’ll all start seeming pointless. You’ll feel less and less in control. Not saying you should take baby steps, but you ought to stick to your own shit. To what you are doing, not what you desire. That’s how you make progress.

Raising the bar, is the fastest way to redevelop anhedonia and relapse into depression.

My fall:

Shit fam. Wish I could offer better experience. But life didn’t turn out well due to some stuff I hadn’t forseen snowballing into an avalanche.

In case you want to know. Had some issues that required mental health care. Jury is still out on it. Most likely untreated PTSD, untreated ADHD and just neglectid autism (diagnosed). DID, bipolar disorder, early psychosis, brain tumor, dementia, etc. Are all good guesses too. Or just the result of things going poorly. Print the DSM-5, strap it onto a board and throw some darts at it. Whatever it lands on, is as good a guess I suppose.

Past 2 years I’ve been fighting chaos, rather than my mental problems. From my GP not taking me seriously and turning 7 months of waiting into 15 (and I still consider myself lucky). Along with downplaying my issues. “You don’t have ADHD, autism makes things difficult too.” Lo and behold. I scored high on a DIVA test, the neuroscientists I got the privilage to work for saw my traits, the professionals who I got lucky to meet saw my traits. But the one person whom I depended on, didn’t think I had ADHD. Must all be in my little woman’s head. Imagining things. Well lady, that’s kind of the problem now. “The hallucinations are stress related.” Geez thanks, tell me something I didn’t know. How do I make sure they don’t get worse? “Just keep me posted.” I did, and it got bad real fast. Personality changes my family saw. “I don’t think I can make you happy with a 1 year waiting list. Luckily this one instance happens to be open for referrals and only 2 months wait.” Those 2 months are almost over and I’m crawling.

Another instance that was supposed to help me, went bankrupt. At the time I was at step 3-4 and thought “I can do it without!” That failure was picked up by a new instance. One that railed me the past 2 years. I was again dealing with trying to get a ball rolling, rather than my issues.

Look. Any place that has a high turnover rate is bad. A mental health facility that has a high turnover rate, is a laboratory waste dumpster fire.

People quit, only psychiatrist available was spiritual. Something I can’t work with. Internally waiting, and waiting. Appointments canceled last minute due to planners fucking up. Next week, 3 strangers and the 1 guy who saved me, are going to make a descision. The 3 strangers are the new folks taking in a spot for those who quit. Never met them. What a circus.

Now I have to face the fact I can’t function at work anymore. Having episodes where I remember shit, feel stress, and forget about it. Can’t sense my own exhaustion proper, while rest and sleep are the only things that stave off the 'chosis. Except cortisol derps make sleep difficult. I’m aggressive and have attacked family members twice in 1 year. I feel bloodlust. Can’t have that happen at work. The only reason I’m allowed to drive, was because I had a grip on my early stages, and work was too important to me. Monday is gonna suck.

Hyperfocus is what got me through the last 3 months. Thank fuck for having a “safe” addiction to videogames.

I want death, but fuck me. Promised myself 6 years ago that I would give it my all. I’ll make sure to off myself before I kill someone else.

Distract yourself into some offline activity which you love especially with someone you are comfortable with.

Once mind in place, deal with the problem which lead to depression in the first place. But if nothing can be done about the issue, then stop worrying about it. Work around it.

I make it look easy but I know its not.

Limit time spent online. Stop viewing the news. Improve the foods you’re eating, if you can. Exercise. Go to a nice spot in nature, if your location allows, and appreciate natural beauty. Every day, think of one thing for which you are grateful.

1- Exercise - I generally think that walking or running on trails in nature is one of those generally free beneficial thinks you can do for depression. Worse case scenario, you improve your fitness and feel better about the shape of your body.

2- Sleep - Yeah, this is a massive one, aim for at least 7-8 hrs. Regular exercise will help, but try to keep a relatively even sleep schedule (schedule yourself to be in bed without your phone by 10pm is a lazy but easy way to help).

3- Limit doomscrolling - Looking at the latest news about what craziness is happening in world probably isn’t that amazing to do that often, so limit it a bit.

4- Diet - I’m vegetarian, and when I started years ago I noticed it really seemed to make my bouts of depression easier to handle. That being said, at the very least make sure you aren’t eating too much junk food and try not to drink. If you aren’t getting enough of a particular nutrient, take a multivitamin (magnesium is a pretty common deficit for most, and can affect your sleep).

5- Meditation - The act of breathing can occasionally give a bit of a break from the spiral of depressed thoughts, so it’s no wonder that a lot of therapists tend to recommend it. Just start with 10 min a day and see if that helps any.

6 - Atmosphere - I know his can’t always be helped, but just adjusting your living environment can make a tremendous difference. Try taking a day or so just to thoroughly clean your room/apt/house. Personally, my advice is to clean like you are trying to truly help someone you love/respect so that at the end you feel like no stone was left unturned.

7- Music - Kinda try to find some music you like that is soothing and try to like, and limit depressive or harsh music. Sounds stupid, but it helps some.

8- Psychodelics - A bit controversial, but I personally use shrooms long term to handle depression. They honestly have been the best long term depression maintenance I’ve found for the price. But truthfully, most of what they do is give you a few hours to step out of your emotions, and force you to actually look at yourself. They are basically just making you acknowledge the above for the most part, and after a trip if you don’t make changes, they won’t really help that much. Pro tip, a notebook to capture your stream of thought can be very helpful for post trip integrations.

I used Ai to vent my problems to, and binged research papers. Read up on cognitive behavior therapy and the mechanics of depression.

I also made some big life changes and cut WAY back on drinking, but it took months and years to ease into the changes. Im still having shit days often, but can actually troubleshoot my mood and see why I’m depressed.

Half if it is don’t dwell on the bad things and that is damn hard. You got to catch your brain thinking something like “im a fuck up”, or “I get no benefit from $hobby”. Once you catch it stop or distract the though, literally tell the thought to fuck off if that works for your head.

Once your ready start stacking little things like showing and walking a few laps around the house over time. Its sound like bs but it helps.

You post stuff like this a lot. You keep talking about being lonely, or about being sad, or things in that same spiral. You clearly know what the answer is, but you refuse to listen to it or accept it, but you STILL ask the question. At a certain point, I have to wonder if you LIKE being miserable.

As harsh as it is to say, I think you need to get over yourself.

Get help. If you can’t afford a pro, get an amateur to talk to. There are low-cost helplines and support groups around the world. Don’t just come up with a reason why you can’t do it. You can. All that remains is whether or not you will.

Exercise.

Cardiovascular and resistance exercise both release a chemical called BDNF, which causes hippocampal neurogenesis, which causes a decrease in depression.

After being on medication and in therapy for years, I basically lost my medical care and has to figure out a fallback strategy. Learned about this exercise connection, and changed my running habits from:

• About a mile
• About once or twice a month

To:

• About five miles
• Three times per week

The effect on my depression was profound. It was far more powerful than the medication and therapy

You really shouldn’t fight depression solo. We’re social creatures. Trained therapists aren’t the only people who can help you, even a trusted friend or a random stranger in a free support group can do wonders.

Local support groups probably exist in your area. Sometimes they aren’t very visible, and being depressed certainly won’t help you find it.

I didn’t know about any in my area, since when I’m depressed I’m unable to look for those groups, and when I’m fine, i have no need to look. But after joining a local mutual aid board, i found out about quite a few resources that were fully free or extremely cheap (less than $50 us) when others asked for them.

If you are queer, a lot of queer support groups often have resources to help you out.

As for how I treated mine, exercise and hiking, finding scenic areas, avoiding alcohol (which i was bad at), and trying to live more “intentionally” and not getting into patterns that left me feeling hollow. For example, i tried spending less time gaming, and substituted that time with reading, since that made me feel less like I was wasting time and my life. I also tried learning to cook, since having good meals was great, and not constantly eating shit from a local fast food joint helped me stop rapidly gaining weight, which was certainly making things worse.

I also have a trusted friend who i talked to about some of my problems, and he helped me get through the worst parts. This was probably the most important part, and it got me on the path to getting out of that depressive episode.

This might be a weird one, but it is helping me a lot.

My deepest spirals into depression and alcohol abuse happen in the evening and at night.

I switched to waking up early (5am), focused on experiencing and enjoying sunrise as a kind of meditation, then going about my day. I’m off to bed by 8pm.

There’s still days where I can’t catch sleep for hours, mind racing. But hours past 8pm is still only 2am.

Don’t do it on your own, do it with other people.

I found that the more time I spent with other people, the less time I was spending beating myself up.

Professional help can be cheap! You just might have to look little harder. For a while, I saw a psychologist who had a deal with a church where they subsidized most of his fee. So it was super cheap for me.

One of the most helpful things for me was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT. I used a workbook that helped me see how skewed and untrue some of my thinking was.

Finally, walking in nature or, even better, exercise! Find what works for you. I like jump rope. Good luck!

Honestly, running, walking alone in the park, listening to music, reading about depression to comprehend if what I am feeling is concerning.

Running: As I run, I try to focus on my pacing, my breathing, and I stop when I get tired, when I’m DONE, that I think helps because all of the endorphins released. Walking alone in the park: This also helps me because I get to see nature, watching birds or squirrels going about their business relaxes me, and also I try to treasure those little moments as mine. Listening to music: And I mean REALLY listening to music, focus on the whole song or different parts of it makes me appreciate it more and it can make me feel immerse in it.

To me it’s not a magic cure to depression but it helps a lot when I’m feeling down, I know everybody is different but this is what helps me.

If you try to battle depression and can’t for some reason, looking for professional help is key, don’t let it grow or it will consume you.

Stay strong my friends.