This has happened to me a few times. One I remember was the game Alchemist, where I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies. Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me. I just don’t know what to do in these situations.
^Also is there a word for this? My girlfriend said I was “held game hostage” but I don’t see that used in my searches.^
Update: I sent an apology for leaving early, and he wasn’t too frustrated about it and understood my frustration which was nice. I told him I didn’t think it was my cup of tea since it was so dense, but he kept trying to sell me on the game.
I just gotta learn how to decline with this guy, he is a bit of a “won’t take no for an answer” person, but I’m still learning to be firm with boundaries.
I’m really a 45 minute or less person, and prefer games with like… 5 rules. I have communicated that before, but he really wants me to play the games he loves which I take as a compliment.
He did have me playing Dominion for a while, and that was a time when I just would suck it up and play for his sake since he was going through a divorce. We literally had the parks and rec sketch where I said “I don’t really like Dominion” and he said “what do you mean? You’ve played all the games!”
He housed me when I was homeless, so it’s hard for me to decline things with him since he showed me that huge kindness.
Just slap your knee and say,” welp, it’s getting late”
So the people teaching the game with you should make sure everyone is aware of the game time and expectations, first of all. I love board games, but would be a bit irritated if someone expected me to play Terra Mystica at a moments notice. The only exception that comes to mind is if they’re cool with ending it early because I wouldn’t be able to play the whole time.
Since your friends don’t seem very responsible, you have to do more legwork. I would ask which game is being played, and what the expected game time is. In addition, let them know your time limitations and that you’ll have to leave by a specific time whether your finished or not. This may lead to less invitations (“lets start a game of Twilight Imperium 3 at 830 Pm on a Tuesday night! but lets not invite Meep_Launcher because he’ll leave the game early”) but at least everyone will be aware of the situation before hand.
Ideally, your friends will work around the person with the most restrictive schedule, “only 2 hours? lets play some love letter, DND Inn fighting game, and Port Royale”. If they really want to play Monopoly, you can suggest a better time when you would be interested in playing where you’d have sufficient time to finish the game.
Open and honest communication. Just say that you’re not interested in the game.
If the host gets passive-aggressive you could try to talk civilised about that. In case they don’t show the necessary understanding or are difficult to talk to, they might not be the kind of acquaintance you would like to keep.
To clarify, say that BEFORE starting the game. If we’re 3 hours into a 4 hour game and you bail because you’re not interested, depending on how it affects the game lots of people would get pretty pissy.
This is why I always do research on the game before playing it. Optimally, I’ll download and read the rulebook, but “let’s play” videos work in a pinch. (Or if the rulebook is a bit obtuse.)
Of course, if you don’t know what you’re playing beforehand, then it’s up to the host(s) to teach you, and it all depends upon how good they are at teaching (and how good you are at paying attention). These situations are obviously much more dodgy, so I try to at least peruse the rulebook a bit and keep it nearby during the game so that I can look up rules during other players’ turns.
Finally, it does get easier. It does take time and energy to learn these more complex games, but the payoff is more interesting and satisfying game experiences. Every time you play, you learn a little more. Of course, if you aren’t getting any enjoyment out of it at all, you might want to stick with lighter games.
I loathe Terraforming Mars, because you can’t ease into it. You start at full speed and if you don’t know what you’re doing at the start, you’re already fucked. The problem is, you don’t know that, so it’s one of those where you to royally fuck up twice, before you can play a good game.
You can’t just go “well, I’m the tree-planting guys, I should probably focus on planting trees”, because the game doesn’t reward some things at all. There are straight up worse choices.
I spent a weekend learning a boardgame, only to find out it kinda sucks.
Oh no, another game of monopoly?!
Monopoly doesn’t take that long, unless you change the rules specifically to prolong it.
The last game of monopoly I played was very much by the rules, and took 4 hours where the winner was statistically certain after 30 minutes.
Funnily enough, that was actually the goal
Monopoly has rules?
Yeah, written in a little booklet and everything. You don’t have to pass it down as an oral tradition from generation to generation!
There’s certainly something to be said for playing Monopoly on a might makes right basis
If you communicate a hard stop time and this happens when you say you have to leave it might be time to start declining invitations. If you didn’t communicate a hard stop time and they communicated a much short play time than reality it sounds like you’re both a bit at fault and you two should talk about it.
I started playing D&D because it takes months to finish a campaign so people don’t mind pausing the game after a certain time and playing once or twice a week.
I played TF Mars many times and never took that long. Actually I found it to be in my sweet spot of complexity and time. But max 4 people.
But I totally get you. I have this friend who has a very peculiar way of explaining games. He explains the strategy instead of the lore and mechanics. I need to understand the mechanics first not the strategy. And he easily takes 1 hour to explain a game like Mars…
Yeah… To be frank he just talked strategy, but in a way that it felt like he was just saying how smart he was, if that makes any sense.
Yes totally make sense. The way I would TF Mars would be like “so this is a game where we play as corporations trying to develop mars. The goal is to make points by etc etc”. He would explain it like “so there are these cards, cards can have these types, there are these projects, here’s how you can make projects”. The whole time I’d be like “why do I need this?” and everything just makes sense at the end.
Ask what game you’re going to play and read about the game? Learn the rules in advance?
That sounds like my experience with Star Fleet battles. A ‘simple’ and ‘introductory’ game at a local games club that three hours later had us only finished the second turn.
Back then I stuck it out to be nice. Now I’m far more likely to just apologetically say that the game is not working for me.
Learning a board game if no one’s played it before can easily takes an hour and sometimes more in addition to the suggested play time, to figure out the set up and fully read and understand the rules.
I don’t know what kind of friends would be upset at you being tired. The only time I might be annoyed is if you continually overcommit (ask to play a game you know takes all night then leave early).
I suggest you tell your friends whenabouts you need to leave, at the start and/or the middle of your hangout so they can set their expectations accordingly.
If the Alchemist game you think you would enjoy if you just weren’t confused by the gameplay, have someone walk you through it, looking at your hand/pieces and tell you what to play and why for a round. I think part of the issue is that you need to communicate early and clearly so that you don’t have to suffer in silence. A board game hangout shouldn’t be something you dread; if it is then do something else. If it’s that the game just isn’t sparking your interest, 5-10 minutes into the rules you can stop and tell them that this doesn’t feel interesting.
I’d start asking questions about what kind of games I’m invited to. Ask more questions about what you are getting yourself into, before committing.
Take your phone out, look at it, get a slightly concerned look on your face that quickly turns to fear, run out the room yelling “No No No NO No No No No No they’re not meant to be here this soon”, destroy your phone and start a fresh new life.
Games usually say how long they take on the box. If it’s too long just decline. If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game. Which is even more rude than leaving if it gets too late.
If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game
YMMV. In my experience 90% of game time estimates on the box are utter nonsense.
In my experience, game time estimates on boxes are similar to gas consumption of a car given by the manufacturer. Multiply by at least 1.5.
Also double that number if anyone is learning the game. Then if the box lists a per player time of 90 minutes or higher add another half hour per player.
I say this as someone who’s a fan of big, complicated, hours long games; 90% of the time, the numbers listed on the box are a total fucking lie.
OK, to be more precise, they typically measure how long the designers - who know every rule, never deliberate over what action to take, always pass priority when they’re done, and never stop to grab a glass of water - think the game should take. And probably don’t include set up time.
I use the times on BGG, as they are submitted by users.
