A guy came into the ER with a teacup up his ass.
The doctor asked how it happened.
The doctor said, in the writing where I was reading about this whole event: “What followed was a long and startling story that I immediately regretted asking for.”
yeah right, he was probably cleaning the kitchen, slipped and fell on it, just like everyone else.
That’s pretty much exactly what he said, he just took a long time to say it, which was what led to the deep, deep regret on the part of the doctor. He was dusting up on a ladder, drinking tea, totally naked, and then he fell, and oh no look what has happened now.
There’s a montage from Scrubs where a bunch of people claim “I fell on it” that ends in the last guy shrugging and saying, “I was bored.”
I respect the fuck out of the last guy.
I really don’t get it. The only answer that question needs is just look the doctor in the eye and ask, “do I really need to explain?”
I don’t know for sure, but I feel like the overwhelming majority of doctors would just nod and say “got it,” and then get on with their work.
Knowing how an injury happened can let them know to look for something you might not have considered. For example, if you come in with a broken arm and tell them you fell off a ladder, they might poke around to see if you broke anything else. If you really did wind up with something forcefully shoved in an orifice, they would want to pay careful attention for tears and such.
please explain to me how the specific manner a teacup managed to get into my ass, matters as to whether or not it will go well.
Sure.
Perhaps you were naked in your pottery shop refinishing the teacup using, say, an oscillating sander, and the hot, newly roughened surface of the rim of thd teacup was propelled violently into your anus. What could potentially be observed as contusions in and around your anus should also be investigated and treated for abrasion and burns.
Or, in fact, you were naked, having a magic tea party in the bathroom with what, through conversation it is revealed, were your imaginary friends while you were tripping on research chemicals. The 3rd cup of “tea” you were drinking started to taste like cinnamon as your ass began to feel so incredibly empty. We might need to do a specific tox screen for the party drugs, and the mystery tea you might have found under the bathroom sink. Some of that mystery tea could also have spilled in your ass, by way of the teacup vehicle. The blunt trauma wounds on your anus may be masking chemical burns.
With imagination, developed from observing human behavior, it is relatively easy to appreciate the benefit of medical staff asking questions and getting answers.
See, this is why it’s important to buy teacups with flared bases.
Just cut off the penis, remove the ring and then reattach the penis. Do I have to do everyone’s job around here?
I’ve worked or volunteered for 4 different fire departments. Zero of them had any sort of diamond cutter anything that could be used for this.
It appears the market has spoken, thus you must clearly upgrade your ring cutting equipment.
That is, unless the poor sap acquired the titanium ring from Boeing or Airbus’ supplier. Then maybe you can use kindergarten stubby scissors.
Hospitals will generally have ring cutters like this:
They are hand powered and very cost effective for gold and silver rings. Diamond tipped cutters usually need something like a Dremel to power them. They look something like this:
.
They are much more expensive compared to hand powered ones, and pose a higher risk to a patient so they would require additional training to use it, which is another extra cost.
Also, ummm, titanium gets hot. Like all metal gets hot when you cut it, that’s just how friction works.
But titanium is gummy.
When we cut steel it makes a nice clean chip until the tool is dull, then it’ll make ugly chips.
When we cut aluminum or copper, we have to use tools with fewer teeth so they don’t get clogged up with chips. This is fine because these materials are so soft and we can run cutting speeds so high that having fewer teeth isn’t a big deal.
But titanium is both gummy, in that it wants lots of space between cuts because it’ll clog up teeth, and very hard, in that it wants lots of teeth making smaller cuts.
It’s also a shit conductor. Aluminum and copper will whisk away heat. Titanium gets hot and stays that way.
So your titanium jewelry, wherever applied, that needs to be cut off of you, will need a diamond saw, which isn’t really a cutting tool, it’s an abrasive one. Meaning it works through aggressive, point blank friction.
My point is if you smash your titanium cock ring on, it’s going to not only require a very uncomfortable proximity to a power tool to remove it, it’s going to absolutely burn the fuck out of your dick.
Thank you for the details! I find the different properties of metals fascinating but rarely have the time to read up on it (which isn’t made easier by having to first read up on and understand a bunch of terminology and underlying concepts, which my ADHD just doesn’t have the patience for), so comments like yours giving a bit of insight are perfect.
Just want to add that we’re talking about a tool that can be used to remove rings stuck on any appendage, not just cocks.
Cockrings are dumb, and they deserve this if it happens to them.
Some people need them for erectile dysfunction.
A titanium one is a little much, but the right one can be stimulating for both parties.
Every ring I’ve ever owned that was made out of titanium has shattered. Seems like you could just crack it with a pair of pliers or something.
Also, the ER probably wouldn’t need to resort to cutting a cock ring in the first place. It has no bones, just get some ice packs on it or worst case scenario do a controlled bleed on the distal portion.
I’m not a fan of how casually you used the phrase “controlled bleed”
It should never be done casually, I’d let a professional physician handle it if I were you.
If you wanna cut the circulation off to your wang, just hold it tighter. That way you can just let go and not need to go to the hospital.
Silicone is easy enough to remove.
Instructions unclear: Hand silicone caulked to my cock.
Removed by mod
Come on. No one could do that
better than yo mama!Oh snap 😨
What if that’s their kink?
Pretty bad, because the medics and firefighters didnt concent to be part of it.
Oh cmon we are just joking here, no need to be soo seerious and goody two shoes