There are two principal races of the Britons, the Caledonians and the Maeatae, and the names of the others have been merged in these two. The Maeatae live next to the cross-wall which cuts the island in half, and the Caledonians are beyond them. Both tribes inhabit wild and waterless mountains and desolate and swampy plains, and possess neither walls, cities, nor tilled fields, but live on their flocks, wild game, and certain fruits…They dwell in tents, naked and unshod, possess their women in common, and in common rear all the offspring. Their form of rule is democratic for the most part, and they are very fond of plundering; consequently they choose their boldest men as rulers…They can endure hunger and cold and any kind of hardship; for they plunge into the swamps and exist there for many days with only their heads above water, and in the forests they support themselves upon bark and roots, and for all emergencies they prepare a certain kind of food, the eating of a small portion of which, the size of a bean, prevents them from feeling either hunger or thirst

—Cassius Dio

Most of Britain is marshland because it is flooded by the continual ocean tides. The barbarians usually swim in these swamps or run along in them, submerged up to the waist. Of course, they are practically naked and do not mind the mud because they are unfamiliar with the use of clothing, and they adorn their waists and necks with iron, valuing this metal as an ornament and a token of wealth in the way that other barbarians value gold. They also tattoo their bodies with various patterns and pictures of all sorts of animals. Hence the reason why they do not wear clothes, so as not to cover the pictures on their bodies. They are very fierce and dangerous fighters, protected only by a narrow shield and a spear, with a sword slung from their naked bodies. They are not familiar with the use of breast-plates and helmets, considering them to be an impediment to crossing the marshes. Because of the thick mist which rises from the marshes, the atmosphere in this region is always gloomy

—Herodian of Antioch

Very many who dwell farther inland do not sow grain but live on milk and flesh, clothing themselves in skins. All the Britons paint themselves with woad, which produces a dark blue color; and for this reason they are much more frightful in appearance in battle. They permit their hair to grow long, shaving all parts of the body except the head and the upper lip. Ten and twelve have wives 16 common among them, especially brothers with brothers and parents with children; if any children are born they are considered as belonging to those men to whom the maiden was first married

—Julius Caesar

I just realized something amazing.

I’ve heard said that in a modern battlefield like Ukraine, where recon drones are ubiquitous and satellite data is better and better, that stealth effectively doesn’t exist. You know where all your enemy’s forces are with high accuracy, and they know where yours are. Even if this is an exaggeration, the fog of war does seem to be dissipating with time. Eventually, recon tech will be so good that there will be no point for even having camouflage.

So what this means is…WE CAN BRING BACK FABULOUS MILITARY UNIFORMS!!!

Speaking as a dnd player, do not touch my rock pile

Bottom panel reminds me of the look on Philomena Cunk’s face as a historian tells her that they thought painting their bodies would protect them in battle.

I bet when the Celts turned up naked and saw what the Romans had on, bet they were kicking themselves, bet they felt stupid, bet they were like “who suggested this?”